There’s a reason why “patience” is a virtue

My guess is that for most people who strive to accomplish things patience is not a quality high on the “must have” list. At the same time, it’s a quality that I bet many of those same people point to (in another person) and say with awe, “wow he/she is so patient!”

It’s almost like being IMpatient is a necessary engine to get things done. I used to think that. As a result, the kissing cousin to impatience, frustration, was right there too. Annoying.

A few years ago I was working on a project that seemed to go on forever and wasn’t productive. Every attempt made to close it out just didn’t work and I was unhappy with the lack of progress. I got to thinking, “this has been going on for months with no change and all I can see is more months of this.” Frustration big time, per usual. But this time, I prayed.

I prayed to listen to whatever God wanted me to know at that moment. I pushed out all the unhappy, frustrating, stressful thoughts and just listened. What came to me was…”patience.” But not patience relative to time passing,  patience without any concept of time.

Ooooh, this was huge to me. Like, get rid of the time element and know that patience means waiting on God to move, adjust, reveal whatever needs to be moved, adjusted, revealed. In God’s “time” (which is spiritual), not my time (which is definitely temporal). And since it is in God’s time, then there can be no suffering, no sacrifice, no loss of any kind. Only divine peace.

Think about it. This notion of “time” really turns things inside out and adds a negative dimension to daily activities. When you eliminate time from working out problems, a lot of the stress goes away and you can think more in the present, in the NOW.

Forget “I am under deadline, I don’t have time for this!” or “I have been sick too long,” or “I have been stuck in this [job, place, relationship, etc.] for too long.”  How much better to focus on just the now, like “Right now God loves me and wants only good for me at this very moment…Right now I have all I could ever want because God has given it to me.” Then, being steadfast to just the present, just what you know is right now, can keep you in a series of moments that are good, positive and uplifting. No time element, just the divine now.

One of my most influential spiritual authors, Mary Baker Eddy, writes a lot about patience. And usually includes it with the idea of unconditional love. So, patience with love is way more peaceful and uplifting than patience with time!

This totally released all the stress and unhappiness I was feeling about this project. Each day I listened for what new activity I could do, on this project or other projects. And new things came to me to do. I was active, productive and happy. Within a month or so, the project I USED to be so impatient about was closed out, to everyone’s satisfaction.

Patience is a quality of the Supreme Being. And since this Being is the creator of all beings, then we each must reflect this quality too. So it isn’t “out there” in someone else, it is right “in here”, in everyone’s divine and spiritual DNA.

Being “alone” isn’t being “a loner”

My dad used to say, “You don’t get into heaven two-by-two”, referring to the Bible story of Noah’s ark. I know he meant that every person’s spiritual development is highly individual and unique. And that you can’t piggyback on someone else’s spiritual lessons.

Which is NOT to say that we don’t need other people on our spiritual journey. In fact, I am convinced that without others, good and bad, we can’t learn the lessons we need to in order to have heavenly experiences, wherever we are.

Maybe this blog is a continuation of the other ones I wrote in the past several days about “Separation” and “Belonging” …evidently I am working some issue through in my head!

Being alone with one’s thoughts is good — but acting alone without regard to the implications of one’s thoughts is not, IMHO.

I’m thinking about this right now because just in the past week I have witnessed actions by friends who, due to their own evolved thinking (i.e. alone), have unilaterally taken actions without considering the impact of those who love them.

Something isn’t right about that, it seems to me. Just from a human standpoint, that appears selfish. What happened to the Golden Rule, “love thy neighbor as thyself”? There’s a reason why most spiritual movements and religious canons include this guide-for-living: it works to make better relationships, even communities.

Hmm, think about it: you treating your neighbor as you would like to be treated (loved)…your neighbor treating HIS neighbor better…and so on, and so on. Now that is a two-by-two way to a heavenly journey!

Here’s the way I look at it. All the interactions I have with others — my marriage, family, co-workers, friends, community — give me the real-time experiences (uhh, read “challenges”) I need to further my spiritual understanding. Without relationships, my spiritual development would be mere theory.

Relationships provide support too. I can’t even count the times when I have relied on the spiritual perspective of others to lift me out of a dark hole.

I remember a line from a movie from a long time ago that never left me. It was a story about a family living on a farm, and it looked like the parents (Albert Finney and Jessica Lange, I think) were heading for a divorce. One of the parents was explaining why, saying that sometimes over a period of years one parent moves ahead of the other one.

Sounded reasonable to me, until the kid responds with an incredibly profound question: “Then shouldn’t one WAIT for the other?”

Oh wow, this is so TRUE! See, relationships are rarely a runaway horserace…people are always growing, sometimes pausing or plateauing, then moving again. Just not at exactly the same speed as each other. Over the course of a relationship, the learning is like passing a baton from one to the other…we always can learn from others. It is EXACTLY what helps us grow. So why leave behind that which helps us grow?

“Love thy neighbor as thyself” is a spiritual imperative. It isn’t just about helping someone else, it is about helping our own self because it eliminates selfishness.

I like being alone with my thoughts, especially when I am thinking about spiritual ideas and insights. But at some point in the day, these insights must be put into practice — they must be proven. That requires engagement with others.

Hmmm, it just hit me — that is what real fulfillment means to me.

Praying for friends

My friend Donna went into the hospital this morning for tests. Last fall she had an operation to remove a cancer. Her doctor told her today’s tests are pretty routine and it is just a precaution. She feels ok about it, a touch anxious, but ok. I decided to pray.

Donna didn’t ask me to pray for her. But it seems to me that a prayer that affirms Donna’s pure wholeness as a spiritual being in the perfect image of her Divine Creator is the right thing to do. Her spiritual identity, therefore is flawless — nothing of value can be added to it (like a growth) and nothing of value taken away (pieces and parts from an operation). She is complete, right now.

“And God said, let us make man in our image, after our likeness…” (Genesis 1:26)

When I think about the body and the incredible system that makes it function, I believe that it is a symbol or maybe a “metaphor” for what is each person’s true spiritual identity. It’s not the actual “thing” from the Creator, but it is the best understanding we have of it at the present. There aren’t two of each person, one spiritual and one material. There’s just one, and this present form is the clearest concept we get at the moment. Still, even though it is material, it must adapt to the spiritual characteristics of the divine creation, i.e. goodness, intelligent, harmony, functioning, flawless, complete, etc. In other words, the body must conform to the divine, intelligent system of the Almighty, the all-powerful.

Mary Baker Eddy describes “divinity embracing humanity” and I take this to mean that the divine, all-powerful influence has its effect over all life, regardless of how little we understand how it works at this point.

Here’s an example that kind of makes sense to me: you know how on your desktop you have “aliases” — icons of software applications that reside on your hard drive? Now, these aliases aren’t the actual app (the intelligence) of the system. They are just representations. Proof of this is that when you delete the alias, the app is still there on your hard drive! This is how I see the body (as an alias) in relation to the actual intelligence that powers each of us.

So back to my friend Donna. If she had asked me to pray for her, I would be praying specifically about her and the situation…IOW I would be taking mental responsibility for her health care. But since she didn’t, I am affirming good and true thoughts about her and to support her. It’s like a big hug This aligns my thinking with what I understand the Divine is thinking about all of us.

Wouldn’t it be cool if we all did this every day about people we see?

The grace of womanhood…and wholehood

I took a yoga-cum-pilates-cum-ballet class at the gym the other day that was HUGELY intense. I tried pilates before but it didn’t feel like anything was happening (didn’t hurt). I left ballet when they wouldn’t put me on toe in the first month (I was 6). I like the workout of yoga but, to be honest, the meditation part was more useful AFTER the workout when I could rest. I think there is a pattern here.

Yes, every workout session has to feel like a hard push, a challenge, an achievement over some inherent resistance.

This class I took the other day nailed my workout expectations, but it wasn’t until the end that I understood why, when the teacher summed up her modus operandi. She said that in every pose or exercise it was essential to have the right form, to have grace. Because, she said,  “Through grace, you have strength.”

This really made me think about what it means to have or express grace throughout the day. “Grace” to me is so much more than a physical movement. In its metaphysical expression it’s that sense of goodwill, that desire to make every interaction a kind of blessing.

What about when you have to complain to someone or challenge friend or co-worker… or even fire someone? ESPECIALLY then. Because, as my exercise teacher said, through grace you have strength.

A few years ago I worked with a new colleague (male) who was a major challenge. He was a very nice guy and bright but boy he made no effort to understand the protocols of the organization. He came in with a specific way of doing things and that was the way it was to be done. He didn’t listen, didn’t communicate, didn’t collaborate. Not only did this cause a lot of conflict with others, work was not getting done ….I felt like I was required to make the extra effort to look over his shoulder to make sure nothing fell through the cracks. And yes, I felt like I was doing his job — with the extra burden of dealing with him!

The root cause, I felt, was a classic “male vs. female” perspective about work. So, in order to get a better handle on how to deal with this classic male, I asked my husband how I should deal with it. Oh, he was very clear! He outlined how, in the male world, I should “one-up” this guy — be a bigger “male” so that he will fall into line. That, he said, was the only “language” this guy would understand.

Ugh. This threw me back to several years before when I was heading up my own advertising agency. I struggled every day against the male dominance in clients and in the agency business. The breakthroughs came when I focused my thinking more about my complete spiritual identity as a woman — my wholeness which includes the good and right qualities of woman AND man.

So. New company, old probem. Treating my colleague as a dominant male (as suggested by my husband) left out all the woman-like qualities that I had grown to appreciate, value and stand for. Where was the grace in treating him that way??

When I prayed about what to do, the story of Joseph popped into my head. He was a servant of the Pharoah who did such a good job in all the tasks assigned to him that he ended up running the country for the Pharoah. But he was still a servant.

OK, am I seeing myself as the servant? Doing all the work but serving this colleague? No, I am not a servant! I am created equal in the eyes of Spirit. This reminded me of a statement from my favorite Bible commentary, Science and Health:

Let the male and female of God’s creating appear.

We are both created equal. My colleague is not dominant and neither am I…so employing methods that are “more male” is throwing the weight into the wrong scale. What did I really need at this time? Another quote came to me from Science and Health:

What we most need is the prayer of fervent desire for growth in grace, expressed in patience, meekness, love, and good deeds.

Oh yeah, this was my answer. I knew it was right because in an instant, all the weight of the problem fell away. Here was my “checklist” for how to interact (with blessing, not cursing), how to support (not grind my teeth) and how to communicate (with love and support, and not complain to others).

With this grace came the strength to do this every day. It got easier — actually it became natural. Because it was my inherent nature as a complete, whole creation of Spirit.

What happened? Within a couple of months my colleague was transferred to another division to work that was more suited to his MO. And he is flourishing!

Grace is not exclusively a feminine quality. It is a quality of the wholeness of Spirit’s creation so each of us possesses this quality. But, we must exercise grace every day in order to have its strength.

“This cannot be God’s way.”

A few months ago in the  New York Times Magazine was a short story written by a Muslim Iraqi who was held hostage for several weeks in 2004. He was captured, along with two Italians, at the Italian office of a humanitarian organization. They were helping to rebuild schools, water-treatment plants and hospitals.

To me, in many ways this story sounds like others: Iraqi national kidnapped and tortured because he is working with the Westerners, which must mean (according to his captors) he is working against Islam. If he isn’t working against Islam, then he must be working against the Sunnis or the Shi’ites. Whatever, it is all bad. This guy, along with many other hostages, is definitely behind the eight-ball.

But this isn’t only a story about being captured, tortured, released. 

This fellow, Raad Ali Abdulaziz, states right up front that all he wanted to do was make a difference.  His chosen path was through a job as an engineer, to help build/rebuild the infrastructure of his native country.

I wonder how many of us feel that compelling desire in our daily work, that yearning to help humanity in some way? From moving pebbles to mountains, it is all important – and most certainly needed, wherever we are and whatever career path we have chosen.

When Raad is challenged as to which side he is on – Sunni or Shi’ite – he says he is a Muslim who doesn’t believe in breaking up Islam that way…he might as well have said he didn’t believe in breaking up God that way.

The experience – and the two years following as he and his family left everything behind in Iraq to start over in Europe – are still painful to Raad. But he says that there is a memory that transcends all of it: during the most critical moments he had a “strange feeling” and that something told him that he would not die because he had an unfinished task.

To rebuild by being a better engineer? No, something even better.

Raad wants to work to make his voice louder than the voice of those who order Muslims to fight all infidels – those who do not believe in Islam. “This,” says Raad, “cannot be God’s way.”

I believe that what Raad heard in his deepest, darkest moments – and still hears – is what the Bible refers to as “the still, small voice” of God. This voice urges all of His children to do good for each other, to build – not destroy, to heal pain – not inflict, and to take a stand against the forces of destruction.

Are we listening like Raad is? Every day this voice speaks, urging each of us to make choices based on love and compassion for one another. Yes, this is the Golden Rule operating, sustaining, fulfilling.

For most of us, our daily choices are not global decisions, but they most certainly have an impact in our personal world, whether it is work, family or community.

Let’s each of us make our way one of love, hope, healing. This is God’s way.

The need to belong

Several days ago I wrote a blog about feeling separated from love, and how that feeling — or fear — can be eliminated. It was inspired by a couple of friends of mine who are considering divorce from their spouses. Lately, I have been thinking about the inverse of “separation” which is “belonging.”

Hmmm, maybe the fear of separation is also a fear of not belonging — to a family, a group of friends, a social, religious or business community. The desire to belong to a particular tribe is visceral: deep and strong.

I am sure sociologists have observed the whys and wherefores of this…the only knowledge I have is observing my own tribe(s).

I have seen people move from one tribe to another, either because they felt rejected from one or just preferred joining a new tribe (kinda like high school cliques). I have also seen people be a member of several tribes at once, either by “compartmentalizing” (no crossovers) or by migrating a few members from various tribes into their other tribes. (I have a friend who is REALLY good at this…wish I was better at it.)

And I have one friend who has felt SO rejected by one tribe that she has not only burned all bridges to the first tribe she has offered up the embers and ashes to the new tribe as proof of her willingness to belong. Phew.

Where am I going with all this? Well, I am feeling very very sad about this friend and I want to help. But first I need to get into that spiritual dimension that clarifies and elevates my thinking so that I really CAN be of positive help.

Who do we belong to…does anyone belong to us?

To begin to consider this, I have to start from the highest point I can think of, and that is the divine Spirit. From the spiritual study I have done throughout my life, this Spirit is the only source of life for all beings. It is the Creator of life for us all.

The Creator not only creates life, It sustains the life. Every moment of every day the Creator, the Life of life, maintains Its creation.

Oh boy, lots of times we think we are doing everything ourselves…we are on our own. But for the most part, we don’t like being on our own — which is why I think we are compelled to form circles and tribes to support us through life. For companionship, for learning, for health and well-being. This is a good thing!

To me, these are symbols or “hints” of how Spirit supports us. Regardless of whether we think about God supporting us, our tribes are in a way a provision for us in this life-experience. To support us in being fulfilled.

There are a multitude of tribes in the world, maybe as many as the stars in the heavens! But like those stars, there is an established order. Stars don’t vote another star out of the universe, right? With the recognition of one Divine order, then all the tribes move in relationship to each other. No competition, no warfare, no rejection, no winners and no losers.

Belonging to a tribe or tribes is a good thing as long as it helps us to be better. To me, this desire to be better is instilled in our hearts by the divine Spirit. So the collective desire to be better makes a tribe a key factor in supporting the growth of the member.

I hope my friend’s new tribe is helping her be better. Try as she may, she can’t really reject the former tribe because it helped her be better too. Those spiritual lessons learned can’t possibly be excised from her consciousness (how can you “unlearn” something that was good?).

Here is a quote from one of my tried and true spiritual resources, Science and Health:

One infinite God, good, unifies men and nations; constitutes the brotherhood of man; ends wars; fulfils the Scripture, “Love thy neighbor as thyself;” annihilates pagan and Christian idolatry,–whatever is wrong in social, civil, criminal, political, and religious codes; equalizes the sexes; annuls the curse on man, and leaves nothing that can sin, suffer, be punished or destroyed.