True learning

Que bummer, I haven’t been moved to blog lately. And I have been trying to figure out why. The answer came to me when I was thinking about a bunch of other things I am doing here in Mexico….doing, but not achieving in my mind, which is what finally gave me the clue.

For the most part, I blog when I feel like I have something to say about some kind of insight, achievement or mental breakthrough. Today, ruminating about my various “projects” that I have launched myself into, I realized that I feel kind of stuck or moving sluggishly with all of them. I feel like I am not achieving.

Oooof, this view of myself needs eliminating, I figure, cuz it is holding me back from, yes, achieving! Ironic, no?

I am actively engaged with three projects that actually relate to each other: learning Spanish, learning to surf and meeting folks who are interested in spiritual discussion and development.

The first two are helping me meet new friends and have insightful discussions…but in each case I feel like I am not making enough progress: I am not fluent in Spanish, I am not riding the waves consistently and fearlessly, and I havent yet begun the deeply satisfying spiritual conversations that lead to spiritual advancement for those seeking it.

I am thinking this is pretty lame….it reminds me when I was a kid and I couldnt WAIT to go to kindergarten. Oh, I was so excited to go to school, I probably couldnt eat breakfast! The first day when I came home my mom asked me “how did it go?”. I looked at her with a very disappointed expression (she tells the story) and said, “Well, I didnt learn how to read today.” Which was the whole purpose of going to school, as far as I was concerned. And, judging by the first day, it was therefore  a failure.

But clearly, school wasnt a failure — it was my unrealistic expectation that in ONE DAY (what, 4-5 hours?) I would learn all I needed to about reading a book.

So it occurs to me today that what I need to learn most of all is that there is no failure.  To believe otherwise is to have doubt and distrust of my inherent ability to reflect the intelligence and goodness given to me, without measure, by the divine Creator of all.

In actual truth, each time I have a Spanish or surf lesson I learn something new. And I am sure it is because before each lesson I mentally prepare: I pray to know that nothing can prevent me from expressing the wisdom and confidence that is my true — and divine — nature. 

So this doubt that I am not learning fast enough or good enough is really bogus. Just like it was with learning to read. 

It’s right to strive to learn more, do more, be/express more fully the person of God’s creating. But it is kind of perverted thinking to allow the attachment of negativity to one’s best efforts to do good, es verdad?

My spiritual mentor recently said, “Failure is nothing more than a….false estimate of what we should be doing or where we should be. Don’t consent to it. You’re doing your best, and you’re doing it with God.”

I figure that the freedom that comes with resting in this, trusting in this, can only have the effect of letting me shine — and give unselfishly of who I am —  in whatever endeavor I undertake.

Well. Now I know what is the most important thing to learn — and it is about who I am already! So there is nothing to “get” or even “achieve”. Hmmm….learning, then, is not about starting from a place of “inability” — it is all about revealing how perfectly able I really am. And, therefore, being better equipped to GIVE.

See? This was something to blog about!

Always Up

I popped up today.

My 5th surfing lesson and I finally got up on the board in one swift movement (no knees) and road the wave to the end.  And I finally had fun!

Tessa the surf instructor took me out to the professional spot again (the reason was no waves in the beginners section but my gut tells me that  Tessa is not taking me back to the beginners section ever again). But it was such a beautiful day, the water was warm, it wasnt crowded and the waves came at good intervals. What’s not to enjoy?

Sitting with us, waiting for some waves, was a very tan young guy who looked like a real surfer….and he must be pretty dang good because his dog (lab-mixto) was sitting on the front of the board. Seriously.

The look on the perro’s face was what I thought mine was like  – he looked like he was gritting his teeth and very determined. I asked Tessa if the perro riding the waves was common. “Oh yeah — he LOVES it!” OK, the perro loves this, I can too, in spite of my determination.

This morning I was thinking about how I can have a better mental attitude about learning to surf. It just didnt feel natural — I felt like every movement I was making was so labored, so methodical, such a process. As a result, the movement from paddling to catching the wave then standing up felt clunky and slow and…hit and miss. More coincidental than sure-footed.

And I knew it was mental, not physical — in other words, all the clunkiness was the hesitancy in my thinking: How do I do this? Can I do this? Why am I doing this??

So I was praying about what did I need to know to get my thought lined up in a more spiritually-based framework (like, seeing/believing in the qualities I naturally possess as a creation of the Divine). And I read this statement from Science and Health:

Take possession of your body, and govern its feeling and action. Rise in the strength of Spirit to resist all that is unlike good.

To me, this means to take control of my thought and claim for my whole being the fact of my harmonious, coordinated activity. I must not only accept this as fact, but to act like I do! There is no hesitancy, or even resistance to this. The power of Spirit is the only action going on in every moment of my life.

So! Today, first wave not so good….but the next wave I popped up in one easy movement….the next wave did the same thing. And on this one I felt like something not quite right and moved my feet around and wow! the board responded by shifting this way and that and I thought, Hah! that’s how that works!

Tessa said, “You popped up really fast — what’s happening is that you arent thinking so much about how to do it, you are just doing it!”

This is a really good reminder about reflecting the spiritual nature: there is no “process”, no thinking about how to “make” yourself reflect…there is no process or delay in a mirror reflecting the image, right? Same with me. I simply reflect all right action, effortlessly. The only responsibility I have is to get my struggling self out of the way!

Got up on other waves too, and felt for the first time “I know how to do this…and I know why — I am reflecting my spiritual qualities!”

So, as a reward for my progress, Tessa tells me “OK, we are going to catch some bigger waves…you are ready!”

No opportunity to get comfortable. I’m figuring that’s the point of spiritual progress anyway, always up…popping up…nothing to stop me