True learning

Que bummer, I haven’t been moved to blog lately. And I have been trying to figure out why. The answer came to me when I was thinking about a bunch of other things I am doing here in Mexico….doing, but not achieving in my mind, which is what finally gave me the clue.

For the most part, I blog when I feel like I have something to say about some kind of insight, achievement or mental breakthrough. Today, ruminating about my various “projects” that I have launched myself into, I realized that I feel kind of stuck or moving sluggishly with all of them. I feel like I am not achieving.

Oooof, this view of myself needs eliminating, I figure, cuz it is holding me back from, yes, achieving! Ironic, no?

I am actively engaged with three projects that actually relate to each other: learning Spanish, learning to surf and meeting folks who are interested in spiritual discussion and development.

The first two are helping me meet new friends and have insightful discussions…but in each case I feel like I am not making enough progress: I am not fluent in Spanish, I am not riding the waves consistently and fearlessly, and I havent yet begun the deeply satisfying spiritual conversations that lead to spiritual advancement for those seeking it.

I am thinking this is pretty lame….it reminds me when I was a kid and I couldnt WAIT to go to kindergarten. Oh, I was so excited to go to school, I probably couldnt eat breakfast! The first day when I came home my mom asked me “how did it go?”. I looked at her with a very disappointed expression (she tells the story) and said, “Well, I didnt learn how to read today.” Which was the whole purpose of going to school, as far as I was concerned. And, judging by the first day, it was therefore  a failure.

But clearly, school wasnt a failure — it was my unrealistic expectation that in ONE DAY (what, 4-5 hours?) I would learn all I needed to about reading a book.

So it occurs to me today that what I need to learn most of all is that there is no failure.  To believe otherwise is to have doubt and distrust of my inherent ability to reflect the intelligence and goodness given to me, without measure, by the divine Creator of all.

In actual truth, each time I have a Spanish or surf lesson I learn something new. And I am sure it is because before each lesson I mentally prepare: I pray to know that nothing can prevent me from expressing the wisdom and confidence that is my true — and divine — nature. 

So this doubt that I am not learning fast enough or good enough is really bogus. Just like it was with learning to read. 

It’s right to strive to learn more, do more, be/express more fully the person of God’s creating. But it is kind of perverted thinking to allow the attachment of negativity to one’s best efforts to do good, es verdad?

My spiritual mentor recently said, “Failure is nothing more than a….false estimate of what we should be doing or where we should be. Don’t consent to it. You’re doing your best, and you’re doing it with God.”

I figure that the freedom that comes with resting in this, trusting in this, can only have the effect of letting me shine — and give unselfishly of who I am —  in whatever endeavor I undertake.

Well. Now I know what is the most important thing to learn — and it is about who I am already! So there is nothing to “get” or even “achieve”. Hmmm….learning, then, is not about starting from a place of “inability” — it is all about revealing how perfectly able I really am. And, therefore, being better equipped to GIVE.

See? This was something to blog about!