A healing of grief

This morning, while praying for fresh inspiration in support of the Virginia Tech community, I thought about all the families who are grieving for their daughters, sons, friends. And I wanted so much for my prayers to be of comfort to all of them.

I remember when my grandmother passed on and I received the news while at a client’s office. I was fine. I called my Dad (Granma was his mom) and he sounded ok too. The nurses were so kind as they gave me all her personal things. And I was fine…subdued, but fine. Until I drove away from the nursing home. I was overtaken by such a huge rush of emotion — deep sadness, regret, loss — I had to pull over on the highway because my sobbing made driving erratic.

“What is happening to me?” I asked myself even as I was heaving with tears and sobs. The answer came right away, “This is grief.” Oh. Now I had witnessed deaths of family members, and a friend in college, but I had never felt this depth of despair.

The feeling was so unbearable I had to turn without reservation to prayer. “Please, God, help me understand your Allness right now. Help me know that Granma is safe and loved right now…that she didn’t miss me or Dad when she left….that You were holding her and she felt Your love.”

“Yes.”

I felt this answer, not audibly, but with assurance. I became calm enough to drive again. And I continued in prayer for some days.

The grieving period for me became a “vestibule” of prayer where I was compelled and impelled to understand more deeply the relationship between God and His children. I HAD to know without a doubt that my grandmother’s relationship with God was unbroken, complete, secure. I had to know she was being comforted…without me taking care of her.

“Truth and Love come nearer in the hour of woe, when strong faith or spiritual strength wrestles and prevails through the understanding of God.” Science and Health, 567:3-6

Boy, did I wrestle. What I came to understand and truly believe is that my grandmother (and all living beings) is a spiritual being, not dependent on her physical presence. Since she is spiritual, she is eternal, without beginning or end. I may not see her anymore, but her love, humor, beauty — all uniquely hers from her Creator — remain with me in my heart. She is here with me.

And since my true essence is also spiritual, then I am eternal too — and we are eternally connected. Our relationship with each other, along with our relationship with God, is unbroken, fixed and eternal.

My grief was replaced with comfort because now I had a deeper understanding of the Creator’s caring relationship for each and everyone of His creations.

“The power of God brings deliverance to the captive. No power can withstand divine Love.” — Science and Health, 224:29