The grace of womanhood…and wholehood

I took a yoga-cum-pilates-cum-ballet class at the gym the other day that was HUGELY intense. I tried pilates before but it didn’t feel like anything was happening (didn’t hurt). I left ballet when they wouldn’t put me on toe in the first month (I was 6). I like the workout of yoga but, to be honest, the meditation part was more useful AFTER the workout when I could rest. I think there is a pattern here.

Yes, every workout session has to feel like a hard push, a challenge, an achievement over some inherent resistance.

This class I took the other day nailed my workout expectations, but it wasn’t until the end that I understood why, when the teacher summed up her modus operandi. She said that in every pose or exercise it was essential to have the right form, to have grace. Because, she said,  “Through grace, you have strength.”

This really made me think about what it means to have or express grace throughout the day. “Grace” to me is so much more than a physical movement. In its metaphysical expression it’s that sense of goodwill, that desire to make every interaction a kind of blessing.

What about when you have to complain to someone or challenge friend or co-worker… or even fire someone? ESPECIALLY then. Because, as my exercise teacher said, through grace you have strength.

A few years ago I worked with a new colleague (male) who was a major challenge. He was a very nice guy and bright but boy he made no effort to understand the protocols of the organization. He came in with a specific way of doing things and that was the way it was to be done. He didn’t listen, didn’t communicate, didn’t collaborate. Not only did this cause a lot of conflict with others, work was not getting done ….I felt like I was required to make the extra effort to look over his shoulder to make sure nothing fell through the cracks. And yes, I felt like I was doing his job — with the extra burden of dealing with him!

The root cause, I felt, was a classic “male vs. female” perspective about work. So, in order to get a better handle on how to deal with this classic male, I asked my husband how I should deal with it. Oh, he was very clear! He outlined how, in the male world, I should “one-up” this guy — be a bigger “male” so that he will fall into line. That, he said, was the only “language” this guy would understand.

Ugh. This threw me back to several years before when I was heading up my own advertising agency. I struggled every day against the male dominance in clients and in the agency business. The breakthroughs came when I focused my thinking more about my complete spiritual identity as a woman — my wholeness which includes the good and right qualities of woman AND man.

So. New company, old probem. Treating my colleague as a dominant male (as suggested by my husband) left out all the woman-like qualities that I had grown to appreciate, value and stand for. Where was the grace in treating him that way??

When I prayed about what to do, the story of Joseph popped into my head. He was a servant of the Pharoah who did such a good job in all the tasks assigned to him that he ended up running the country for the Pharoah. But he was still a servant.

OK, am I seeing myself as the servant? Doing all the work but serving this colleague? No, I am not a servant! I am created equal in the eyes of Spirit. This reminded me of a statement from my favorite Bible commentary, Science and Health:

Let the male and female of God’s creating appear.

We are both created equal. My colleague is not dominant and neither am I…so employing methods that are “more male” is throwing the weight into the wrong scale. What did I really need at this time? Another quote came to me from Science and Health:

What we most need is the prayer of fervent desire for growth in grace, expressed in patience, meekness, love, and good deeds.

Oh yeah, this was my answer. I knew it was right because in an instant, all the weight of the problem fell away. Here was my “checklist” for how to interact (with blessing, not cursing), how to support (not grind my teeth) and how to communicate (with love and support, and not complain to others).

With this grace came the strength to do this every day. It got easier — actually it became natural. Because it was my inherent nature as a complete, whole creation of Spirit.

What happened? Within a couple of months my colleague was transferred to another division to work that was more suited to his MO. And he is flourishing!

Grace is not exclusively a feminine quality. It is a quality of the wholeness of Spirit’s creation so each of us possesses this quality. But, we must exercise grace every day in order to have its strength.